Who Are Your Victims?

   In the Vidui1 an individual asks forgiveness with the words “we have transgressed,” not “I have transgressed.”  “We have transgressed” because all the souls of Israel comprise one entity.  He is not asking forgiveness just for himself as a single soul.  He is asking forgiveness for himself as a single entity, made up of many souls.


   A relationship involves others.  In many relationships there comes a time when we must ask forgiveness.  Each person eventually does something to hurt the other.  It can’t be helped it’s part of being human.


   To take responsibility for one’s part of the conflict is among the strongest acts in a relationship.  One may feel that the other person is 99% wrong.  Since it is mostly their fault, they should have to apologize and ask forgiveness.  Why apologize if one is 99% the victim?


   Another person cannot be forced to deal with their portion.  One can only deal with his own part.  Whether 1% or 99% each person must deal with his part regardless of what the other person does. 


   Too often people see themselves as the victim and everyone else is at fault.  A strong person is able to look at the truth.  It is hard but important to take an honest look and ask oneself “Who are my victims?”  Whether aggressive or passive, we all have people who are our victims.  Until we are willing to face up to this, we are stuck.

1. Prayer of forgiveness found after the Amidah in the morning service of the prayer book






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Who Are your Victims?

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